When I was a kid, I obsessed over Better Homes & Gardens. I’d get lost in those glossy spreads of pristine kitchens and artfully arranged throw pillows, wondering what it must be like to have floors you could see your reflection in—or at least not coated in dog hair.

I grew up lower-middle class (okay, maybe just a notch below that). My mom, raised in a semi-affluent family, battled chronic pain from an undiagnosed illness that eventually led to self-medicated addiction. My dad, a second-generation Hungarian-Italian-American and laid-back former hippy, had a “we’ll get to it later” philosophy about pretty much everything—from dishes to drywall.

What that meant was a house full of peeling paint, cluttered counters, expired pantry items, and the occasional mystery smell. But it also meant dogs. So many dogs. And that was the good part.

Now, decades later, I’m a homeowner again. And I still daydream about sanctuary spaces, even as I live in a real one—complete with dog fur, clutter zones, a chronically full laundry basket, and more side hustles than hands. My husband is disabled, my son is a working adult, and I’ve got fibromyalgia (or, as I call it, Princess & the Pea Syndrome). Energy is a limited resource.

And yet, somehow, I’m doing it. Not perfectly. But intentionally. And that’s where struggle care comes in.

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What Is Struggle Care?

Coined by therapist KC Davis, struggle care is about meeting your needs with compassion instead of judgment. It’s brushing your teeth at 2 p.m. because that’s when you finally got to it. It’s using paper plates when your energy’s gone. It’s systems over shame.

It’s understanding that a messy home doesn’t mean a broken person. It just means life is happening. And life is a lot.

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My Real-Life Home Systems (AKA: How I Keep the Chaos Semi-Contained)

These are the habits, hacks, and not-so-secret secrets that help me function when I’d rather curl up under a blanket and scroll Pinterest.

🧽 Dishes Before Bed

My one sacred rule. Our house doesn’t have a dishwasher—and honestly, I don’t miss it. Hand-washing has become a meditative ritual. It marks the end of my day, gives me a sense of control, and offers five minutes of peace.

🥫 Pantry Zones in the Basement

With a small kitchen, our basement became an extended pantry. It’s divided into zones with baskets for snacks, boxed cake mixes, and microwaveable sides. I swear by Sandra Lee and Anne Byrn—anything can be magic with the right cake mix.

🍽️ Fancy Meets Functional

I believe in using the good dishes—life’s too short not to. But we also keep paper plates and disposable cups on hand. It’s not about guilt; it’s about giving yourself options.

🧥 Over-the-Door Hooks & Coat Stands

If something can survive one more wear, it gets hung—not tossed. Door hooks and coat trees help keep the bedroom floor visible (mostly).

🧺 Laundry Workflow

Laundry gets done. Folding? That’s another story. I have multiple baskets for a reason: clean clothes have a holding pattern before they’re put away, and that’s okay.

🧺 Baskets = Sanity

Baskets are everywhere. Mail, dog toys, medications, spices—they all have homes. It’s not about aesthetics, it’s about containment. If it’s in a basket, it’s under control.

🛏️ Rolling Racks & No-Closet Zones

No closet? Rolling racks and bins help divide the bedroom into manageable zones. We’ve only lived here four months, and I keep reminding myself: it’s a work in progress.

🐾 Dog-Friendly Furniture

Our dogs are allowed on the couch—period. Washable throw blankets keep things tidy and make cleanup easy. They’re family, fur and all.

🧼 Easy Clean Everything

Throw rugs? Shake ’em out. Toss ’em in the wash. Done. They make a space feel pulled together without being high maintenance.

🤖 Smart Helpers Are Still Self-Care

Another tool that’s made a surprising difference? Assistive devices. I use AI tools like voice assistants to set reminders, play music while I clean, or even tell me what time it is when I’ve lost track. One of our most-used features? A weekly reminder to take the trash to the curb—because after forgetting one too many times, the smart speaker became the designated trash captain. I’ll also say things like, “Set a timer for 15 minutes so I can do a quick tidy” or “Remind me to switch the laundry.” Tiny nudges, but they add up. And yes, telling my smart speaker to add Febreze to the shopping list is a very real act of struggle care.

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The Not-So-Secret Secrets That Keep Me Sane

• 🕯️ Scented candles — A small luxury that instantly changes the vibe of a room.
• 🧼 Cleaning supplies where I use them — Multiples in the kitchen, bathroom, even the bedroom. No excuses when it’s all within reach.
• 🧻 Multi-surface wipes (even makeup wipes!) — Because sometimes you just need fast and easy.
• 🐶 Fabreeze. And more Fabreeze. — Because… dogs. Enough said.

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📚 Want to Go Deeper? A Real-Life Reading List for Gentle Living & Struggle Care

These books offer comfort, clarity, and practical systems for those of us trying to feel better in our homes without chasing perfection.

• How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis
  A short, kind, and revolutionary reframe of cleaning and care tasks. Davis gives permission to let go of shame and build functional systems that support your life as it is.
• Tidying the Abyss by Amanda Dodson
  A validating blend of memoir and strategy for organizing through exhaustion, grief, and overwhelm. Perfect for anyone who’s ever felt like cleaning was the last straw.
• Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshmin, MD
  A powerful look at what self-care actually means—especially for women balancing emotional labor, burnout, and unrealistic expectations.
• The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi
  Learn to be a genius about the things that matter, and lazy about the things that don’t. Smart, funny, and full of practical grace.
• Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan C. Pinsky
  Even if you don’t have ADHD, these systems are neurodivergent-friendly, low-pressure, and focused on making things easier, not prettier.
• Decluttering at the Speed of Life by Dana K. White
  Written by someone who’s been there, this book offers no-nonsense, shame-free advice for tackling clutter one decision at a time.
• Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley (The FlyLady)
  A classic for a reason. FlyLady’s routines and loving reminders—like “You are not behind. Jump in where you are.”—still help thousands find calm in chaos.

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What are your real-life “struggle care” hacks?
Drop them in the comments or tag me on Instagram @jhopwood80. Let’s swap tips and normalize the lived-in, loved-on homes that don’t always look perfect—but always tell a story.