I’m not naming names. I don’t have to. Because if you read this and feel that uncomfortable little twinge of recognition—well, maybe it is about you.

Let’s talk about a certain type of person. The kind who insists they have everyone’s best interest at heart… while steamrolling anyone who doesn’t agree with them. The kind who micromanages every step of a project, but insists it’s just because they “care so much.” The kind who burns out volunteers, staff, or colleagues in the name of “the greater good,”then plays the victim when people push back.

Thankfully, I am not currently in this scenario but I have been there, so I know how draining it can be. Knowing that someone close to me is going through it makes the Stabby Unicorn want to come out to play.

You’ve met them too. Maybe you’ve worked for them. Heck, maybe you are them. (Don’t worry—we’ll get to that.)

These folks tend to present as passionate, dedicated, and charismatic at first glance. But look a little closer, and the cracks show: They hoard control, resist feedback, and deflect accountability like it’s a full-time job. When things go wrong, it’s never their fault. When things go right? You better believe they’re front and center for the credit.

Meanwhile, the people around them are exhausted. Second-guessing themselves. Questioning their value. Wondering if they’re just being “too sensitive” or “not committed enough.” That’s not a sign of healthy leadership. That’s emotional manipulation.

Here’s the truth:
👉 Intentions don’t matter nearly as much as impact.
👉 Leadership is not about being the smartest or loudest in the room.
👉 If your team is burned out, disengaged, or afraid to speak up—you’re not leading. You’re dominating.

Gaslighting under the guise of caring doesn’t make you noble. It makes you dangerous. To morale. To creativity. To progress.

And yes, it happens everywhere. In offices. On boards. In community groups. In libraries. In schools. It’s not about politics—it’s about power and ego dressed up as virtue.

So if you’re reading this and feel a little defensive… take a breath. Then take a beat. And maybe take a look in the mirror.

And if you’re someone who’s been stuck working under this kind of leadership? You’re not crazy. You’re not lazy. And you’re definitely not alone.

Let’s stop mistaking control for care, and ego for excellence.

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Your Turn:
Have you ever worked with someone like this? Or survived a micromanaging martyr? Vent in the comments (no names, of course 😏) or share this with someone who needs to read it.