Have you ever heard the phrase, “If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no”? It’s a catchy, bold statement meant to encourage us to be decisive and firm in our boundaries. But I have to admit, I’ve always struggled with saying no. If you’re anything like me, maybe you can relate! It’s not just about saying no to big commitments, but even the little things, like agreeing to help out with a project I know I don’t have the bandwidth for, or saying yes to an event when all I really want is a quiet evening at home.

Sometimes, I’ll be honest, it’s a bit of FOMO (fear of missing out) that gets in the way. I think, “What if I miss out on a great opportunity or a fun experience?” And before I know it, I’ve piled more onto my plate than I can handle. But something clicked for me recently when I was taking a course about the beauty of ambiguity. One of the lessons was about sitting with uncertainty—being okay with not having all the answers right away. It was a lightbulb moment for me. It made me realize that if something isn’t a hell yes, maybe it doesn’t have to be a hell no.

Maybe it’s a “not yet.”

That simple shift in thinking felt like a breath of fresh air. Instead of feeling like I was closing the door on something entirely, it allowed me to leave it slightly ajar. Maybe I’m not ready for it now, but who knows what the future holds? By giving myself the space to say, “not yet,” I can still explore that idea or opportunity when the timing is better—without the guilt or pressure of feeling like I’ve missed my shot.

This perspective has already started to help me with decisions. For example, I recently had the chance to collaborate on a project that sounded amazing, but I just didn’t have the capacity for it. Instead of immediately thinking I had to choose between a hard yes or no, I said, “Not yet.” I explained that I’d love to be part of something like this in the future when I could give it the energy it deserves.

Saying “not yet” can be freeing. It takes away the finality of “no,” while still honoring your boundaries and current priorities. It’s like giving yourself permission to pause, reflect, and decide when the time is right, without feeling like you’re missing out. I’ve realized that you don’t have to rush into everything all at once. Life isn’t just about cramming in every experience—it’s also about making room for the experiences that truly align with who you are right now.

So next time you find yourself torn between a yes and a no, try giving yourself a little wiggle room. Maybe it’s a “not yet.” After all, the best opportunities are often the ones we approach with intention and excitement, rather than from a place of fear or overcommitment.

How do you handle these moments of decision-making? Do you ever struggle with saying no, or do you have any tricks that help you find balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!